"When you're learning to face the path at your pace, every choice is worth your while...and there's always retrospect to light a clearer path.." Indigo Girls (Watershed)
2010 was quite the year. I look back and think on all the people met, the places traveled, the lessons learned, things accepted, things discarded and the life LIVED in that year. When I use the term "LIVED" I use it in every sense of the word, every layer of it! I truly LIVED this past year. For the first time, I truly felt I was living MY life by my rules and for myself. It is completely freeing, imitimidating and a little scary all at once. You live for yourself and by your own rules, you have have the sole responsiblity in the choices and decisions you make....you cannot put those decisions off on another person, on misguided beliefs, on a religion...on anything really...it is you and your decisions. HOWEVER, once I got past all that bullshit fear, the absolute freedom of those choices were felt and off I went to experience my life. What an amazing gift to not feel guilty about choices but to embrace them and revel in each and every experience brought to me by my choices. A person also can't help but look back a bit and reflect on all that has transpired, be thankful for those experiences and look forward to all the wonderful choices and experiences yet to come. So if you will indulge me..just a few reflections on 2010....
You just never know the instant the universe is going to gift you with a wonderful set of friends who completely enrich your life and make a city I had moved to feel like home. I have lived loads of places, worked loads of places and have always made freinds rather easily and quickly. One of the most difficult aspects of moving to Galway was not having a group of good friends. In fact, I didn't know a soul when I moved here. I understood that it would take some time to establish ties to people and places, but I didn't think it would take as long as it did. Then one day, my wonderful Gillian invited me to her birthday brunch and in that instant, life here changed. I didn't know that by going to a simple brunch I would gain a wonderful group of friends and a wealth of new experiences with them since then. Thank you Gillian, Mary, Kate and Anne for letting me be "The Fifth" and for making Galway home for me. So I say never miss the opportunity to celebrate milestones, joys and sorrows with someone...you just never know all that could be gained. Hell, I am still learning all the ways these wonderful friends are enriching my life.
No matter how many books I have read, magazine articles poured over, audio recordings listened to, etc it has finally hit me that a laugh line, extra cushioning around my middle, rained on frizzy hair, no make up etc DO NOT matter in the long run or even in the short run for that matter. Everyone has insecurities about something..EVERYONE..so why worry about it. So my weight goes up and down, so I might have a spot or two sometimes, so I play too hard sometimes, so so so so so SO WHAT?!?! Really...just let it go..a smile, a happy heart with laughter and self confidence go waaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy past the superficial bullshit...and that is all it is...superficial bullshit! Now, why did it take me 35 years to learn that?! ;-)
Family and old friends will always be there. This past year marked the longest I had ever been away from home without visiting. A comforting fact is home is always home....always! Some aspects may change or my perspective on somethings may change, but home is always home. There is a peace in knowing that your mom and dad still get choked up when they see you arriving home, that your sisters and brother will still laugh with you and still give you enough shite to keep you in your place, that your nieces and nephews have an endless supply of hugs, kisses and snuggles and that your friends understand that even though a a passing hug may be all that there is time for, that hug is filled with all the love there could possibly be and that you are grateful for that 5 minutes. So, because of these facts, I am strong and able to leave again, knowing all that will be there upon my next visit. This doesn't mean the leaving part is easy, but knowing these things makes it possible to leave and look forward to the next time.......
Life continually moves on. We can get mired in the muck and murky waters of the past or worry too much about what the future has in store....but none of those actions ever got anyone very far or made them very happy. I am not saying anything earth shattering there, but it is true. So for 2011, I will continue to LIVE and LIVE in the present moment...experiencing every nano second of this amazing life I have been blessed and all the wonderful, amazing people in it!!! Thank you all for being a part of my path and journey!
"And the people whol love me still ask me, when are you coming back to town? And I answer quite frankly, when they stop building roads and all God needs is gravity to hold me down." Allison Krauss